Halfway - Personal

This post is a personal one – no exciting trips or photos. It is more a reflection on the past six months, or rather, my mental state at the six-month mark.

I have been growing in frustration during work, so after work tonight I took a very long walk. The summer weather this past weekend has quickly changed into fall weather- windy, rainy and cold. As I walked, I breathed in the crisp air trying to wrap my head around my thoughts and emotions. It dawned on me that my teaching experience in Korea has become a mental/emotional mountain that I’m climbing. And while the peak of the mountain may not be the conclusion of my time here, at this point, I realized my thoughts can easily be compared to my hiking experiences.  Let me back up:

My school, as I have previously mentioned, is very small. It has its benefits and downfalls; overall I am satisfied in my situation. One of the biggest downfalls is the lack of an established curriculum. I am given the flexibility to do what I wish with my writing classes. And as goes the famous quote, “With great power, comes great responsibility,” I have found myself on the educational mountain trying to figure out the best teaching style and curriculum for my classes. Unfortunately, with my lack of actual teaching experience, my curriculum has been somewhat trial-and-error. I have organized as best I could, but no matter what, there will inevitably be some tweaks.

My bosses and coworkers are incredibly helpful and respectful to me. Unfortunately, this can backfire in that they don’t want to put too much pressure on me. In other words, if I’m not doing something they would like, they don’t typically tell me. I can feel the vibe in the office that something is wrong, but no one fills me in. It has created an awkward environment at times (for me at least).

So, with my curriculum and with my Korean life, I am feeling as if I’m at that point in a hike where I’m a bit lost amidst the trees. I’ve been climbing for hours, up and down, and at this point, I’m pretty thick in the forest, and I can’t see any of the peaks. With some difficulty, and a plethora of inspirational quotes, I am staying positive, remembering the great satisfaction upon reaching the peak of the mountain and drinking in the magnificent views.

Teaching has been my mental mountain this year- super pumped at the beginning, cramps and fatigue at points, and while I’m still feeling exciting about completing the hike, I need a change of scenery or rather, some new motivations along the way. It’s as if I’m going through work each day wondering if I’m going down the right path, will this teaching method/lesson lead my students to success.

One of my favorite quotes is: "Only three percent of adults have written goals, and everyone else works for them."  In my efforts to get my thoughts together, I have written down my goals and I carry them in my wallet at all times. I might not reach the peak of this mountain any time soon, but I will continue to go step-by-step, some may be smaller than others, but all moving forward.